I'm learning to take things day by day. I used to love long-term goals, but I'm realizing that they interfere with day-to-day life.
I took a work trip last week (San Antonio from my hotel room above), and it messed up my routine. But that's ok. Once I got home, I started again. And that's what I need to keep doing. Each day is a new start and a new opportunity to live the life I want to live.
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My WeekI read my post from last week, and I can't believe it. Who was she? What happened to her when Monday showed up? My week started on Sunday full of inspiration and optimism. As I have previously written, my eating always starts great and then goes downhill throughout the week, and I'm working on that. This was no different. But there was more. I really spiraled. Work is an interesting place for me right now. I can't get into it here, but it's making me question whether it's the right thing for me. Eating went pretty well, but I ate out so much. It kept going downhill and then Thursday was a complete disaster: Breakfast burrito for breakfast, pizza and breadsticks for lunch and a double-quarter pounder meal for dinner. WHAT?! I can't remember the last time I ate at McD's, but I had a migraine and just needed comfort. IT WAS NOT GOOD (as in didn't even taste good). I had a plan for workouts and that didn't work either. Great workout Monday and Tuesday, and then nothing the rest of the week! I kept staying up too late so I couldn't get up in the morning. The Menopause Motivation FactorI don't know if it's because I put so much effort in and nothing works or if I'm just lacking motivation to stick with anything. I plan each week and then it goes awry. I'll keep trying but what the hell? Sundays I'm full of motiviation and go into the week with a plan. It just keeps getting less and less effective as the week goes by. The Plan for This Week (April 28-MayGoing small this week to accomplish what I'd like to accomplish:
1. Arm workout Monday, Wednesday, Friday 2. Dessert (sugar) only 2x during the week 3. Positivity at work Still getting in 30+ diversified plant foods in every week and limiting animal produts. What is Happening?Part of me doesn't get it at all. I have made HUGE changes to my diet and nothing has changed. I eat 85-90% Vegan - mostly WFPB (whole foods plant based) - shouldn't I see some change in my intestional health and weight? Another part of me does get it. I do have a sweet tooth and sometimes my vegan is not the healthiest. The 20% that is not vegan is mostly cheese. I don't seek it out, but I have not avoided it. Yet another part of me has a growing acceptance on the weight piece - that this is my body and as long as I feel good, it's ok. The problem is, I'm still having major intestinal issues - pretty much every single morning. So, I've been starting to think about why I started this blog and What I really wanted to accomplish by doing it. What is courage and what does it mean to me? First, let's see what it means to ChatGPT: What Courage Means to Me 2.0iIn the beginning, just making these changes was courageous. It really shook me up. But now, it's been 2 months with no results. CORRECTION: No results that I can see. My bloodwork must be improving without the meat products in my system. Obviously, I'm disappointed and need to make some changes. I just have to keep trying! Here's the plan going forward: Facing challenges when it's not easy: -Cooking at home when I want takeout -Getting up to workout when I don't feel like it -Redirecting sugar cravings to fruit Willingness to act despite uncertainty: -I'm not seeing differences, but I'll keep trying and experimenting -I have no idea what my bloodwork will look like, but it feels good to make the changes I'm making (ethically and nutritionally) Having the strength and conviction to overcome obstacles and pursue goals in the face of adversity: -I'm stuck in habits (and on the couch in the evenings!) -I've tried so many things and my weight won't budge. I will overcome this obstacle. -I have always thrived having fitness goals and want to work toward something again. Hiking, walking? Results This WeekAs you can tell, I'm just not getting results that I can see. Time to switch it up a bit. Plan for April 21-27Plan for Obstacles
Create a Fitness Goal Act with Courage Lessons LearnedI was gone for 9 nights - a graduation trip to Walt Disney World for my daughter and her boyfriend. I learned a lot on this trip. 1. Breaks in routine completely mess me up - mentally, physically and spiritually. I need to figure out how to continue with my goals when my routine changes. 2. The entire trip I felt self-conscious in my body. I was convinced that I had gained at least 5 pounds within the first 2 days. I need to intentionally work on my self concept. 3. I don't feel healthy. I'm tired, bloated and unmotivated. I will start journaling to track this and figure out what is causing it. 4. I don't want to feel this way any longer. I want to feel beautiful, sexy, energetic and alive. Moving ForwardI'm home now, and I'm committed to change. I have a head cold from the trip, but I'm going to push through and make the changes I need to make - starting TODAY. Honestly, I have felt this way for years and have had SO MANY false starts. I am reminding myself that now I have a dietician and health coach to help me through it. So, what does this week look like for me? GOALS FOR WEEK 6: 1. Primarily plant-based eating - I'm using the Forks over Knives meal planning site to plan some meals and will track plant food diversity. 2. Back to strength training 3x/week, yoga 2x/week, hiking 2x/week and nightly walks. 3. Lots of water. 4. Evening routine - stretch, journal and read. No more facebook reels. 5. One self care action during each day. Results UpdateI'm not sure if I achieved my 30 plant-diversity goal this week. My weight is back where I started at 183.5.
You know that feeling when you've hiked up a big hill, you are out of breath and your muscles ache? You finally reach the top and there it is - the view.
That is how I feel today. For the last several years I have been utterly flabbergasted. My weight kept creeping up despite me eating well and being active. My intestinal issues also got worse. Heartburn, stomach pain and discomfort and many other lower intestinal issues I won't document here! All of this and a doctor who would not listen to me has led me to this point. I finally understand that we all must be advocates for our own health. I've heard this before, but I now truly believe it. I just switched doctors after years of seeing the same person. She referred me to a lifestyle medicine clinic and I'm working with my dream team. Yesterday I met with a gut health dietician. After our call, so many lights came on in my brain and dots were connected. I realized (through her questions and comments) that all of my issues really started after a trip to Mexico where I came back and had severe stomach pain. I had an upper scope and they found inflammation, but nothing else. So, nothing was done. I took an anti-microbial I found on amazon, and the pain went away. I thought it was done. So, I'm now working through the book Fiber Fueled and increasing the diversity in my diet. I do eat a lot of fruit and veg, but not varied plant resources. I eat the same stuff all of the time. I'll document all of this, but oh my goodness. I feel like I'm back at Independence Pass (pictured above and the highest point in Colorado) looking over these mountains and feeling like I could fly. FINALLY, I have hope and I'm so inspired to take the first leap. So grateful for this chain of events! I've had some realizations recenty all related to water. I went on a silent meditation walk and when I walked over a bridge, I watched the water move effortlessly around the rocks. I thought to myself, "That is what I need to do!" Life always puts rocks in your way, and I want to move intentionally and gracefully through life, meaning I may need to switch direction once in awhile. Then, my morning meditation brought another insight. I read Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening every morning. There is a passage and meditation for each day of the year. Today, the passage was about water moving when rocks are present. Instead of summarizing it, here is the passage: So, what heavy things are getting in the way of me 1) finding joy in life, 2) connecting deeply with others and 3) accomplishing my goals? And which "habit(s) of not" is at play?
The heaviest thing getting in the way is my obsession with making my body smaller. Since I gained this weight in my late 40's, it has been my priority. I am ashamed to write that, because I have other more important priorities on which to focus. I guess I feel successful in all other areas, but am I really? The habits of not that I really need to work on: Not feeling Not risking the truth I've told myself a lot of stories to avoid feeling and seeing the truth. The next step is rolling up my pants and sleeves to lift those rocks. I want to feel the cool water and weight of the rocks and just move them slightly to increase flow. I'm not going to throw them on the banks and pretend they don't exist. They are beautiful and will, over time, be smoothed by the water. |
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