I've had some realizations recenty all related to water. I went on a silent meditation walk and when I walked over a bridge, I watched the water move effortlessly around the rocks. I thought to myself, "That is what I need to do!" Life always puts rocks in your way, and I want to move intentionally and gracefully through life, meaning I may need to switch direction once in awhile. Then, my morning meditation brought another insight. I read Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening every morning. There is a passage and meditation for each day of the year. Today, the passage was about water moving when rocks are present. Instead of summarizing it, here is the passage: So, what heavy things are getting in the way of me 1) finding joy in life, 2) connecting deeply with others and 3) accomplishing my goals? And which "habit(s) of not" is at play?
The heaviest thing getting in the way is my obsession with making my body smaller. Since I gained this weight in my late 40's, it has been my priority. I am ashamed to write that, because I have other more important priorities on which to focus. I guess I feel successful in all other areas, but am I really? The habits of not that I really need to work on: Not feeling Not risking the truth I've told myself a lot of stories to avoid feeling and seeing the truth. The next step is rolling up my pants and sleeves to lift those rocks. I want to feel the cool water and weight of the rocks and just move them slightly to increase flow. I'm not going to throw them on the banks and pretend they don't exist. They are beautiful and will, over time, be smoothed by the water.
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The First Few DaysMy doctor appointment at the Lifestyle Medicine Clinic was on Wednesday, and today is Sunday. I started eating better immediately - lots of vegetables. I think my body was in shock! I love eating vegetables and I was reminded why I took breaks from them. This dramatic increase led to me feeling like I was prepping for a colonoscopy. Yuck. Part of the Lifestyle Medicine plan is for me to work with a dietician/nutritionist (?) to help with gut heath. I’m hoping that helps with this issue. I should mention that I’m also participating in the Half Size Me Academy. If you are not familiar with this, you can find podcasts that explain the philosophy. I like it, because it is not about what you eat and going on restrictive diets. It’s about your ‘lower brain’ chatter and how it prevents you from doing the things you know are good for you. Part of this philosophy is doing a morning plan where you map out your day of eating. When you eat other things, you evaluate it as objectively as possible. Maybe it’s something you should add in? I like the awareness and nonjudgmental aspect of the program. I bring this up, because I’ve been doing this journaling each morning and it helps set up the day with intention. If I don’t follow it exactly, I just evaluate it without judgment and look to where I can modify and improve. I have to tell you - I’m so proud of myself - yesterday, I joined a women’s hike on the North Country Trail and hiked 6 miles. The women were lovely and it felt amazing. I love hiking and really want to make it a priority in my fitness and mental health goals. I was nervous to go - because of both the social and physical aspects, but I did it! Week 1 GoalsHere are my goals this week:
Movement: Strength Training - 3x per week (30-40 minutes each) Hiking/Cardio - 2x per week Yoga - 2x per week Daily Energy - Include: 1 serving of beans 1 serving of berries 1 serving of greens 1 serviing of other non-starchy vegetable 1 serving of flax seed 72 oz water Today starts my courageous midlife journey. I know I’m not alone in feeling like a stranger in my body, questioning my future and wondering when I lost the spark that used to be me. It sounds dramatic, yes, and it’s been a struggle. My body journey started as a very thin child with parents who were judgmental of people carrying extra weight (to put it mildly). I heard about it all the time in the form of jokes and criticism. When I was 18, I started gaining a bit of weight and by the time I was in my 20’s, I was sitting around 140 lbs consistently. For a 5 foot 7 inches woman, this was a “healthy” weight, but I struggled with it. I started a pattern of constant physical activity and diet after diet. When I hit 45, my weight started going up 5-7 pounds a year, and now I’m in the mid 180’s at age 51. I stopped following strict diets about a year ago and have been trying to eat intuitively and mindfully. I thought I had a great diet and I work out regularly. A common phrase that would come out of my mouth was, “I’m doing everything right, but nothing works!” In the past couple of weeks, I’ve learned a few things: 1. I am not doing everything right. There is a lot of room for improvement. 2. It’s not all about the weight. The number on the scale is loaded with emotional “stuff”. 3. My blood work needs improving. 4. I need to get my stress under control. 5. I need help. Number 5 is key – I always want to figure out everything on my own. This time, I have help. I finally found a doctor who listened to me and referred me to a lifestyle medicine clinic where “diet” is a dirty word (YAY!). At that clinic, I have 1) an MD, 2) A health coach, and 3) a dietitian. These professionals and a supportive partner comprise my dream team. This is the first time I’ve ever reached out for help and I am going to embrace it. I’m going to share my starting stats below and will update on some of them weekly. In 3 months, I’ll have my follow-up bloodwork and body fat analysis done and will report those improvements. Why is this a courageous midlife journey? It’s courageous, because change is hard and uncomfortable. You need to be outside of your comfort zone and have faith that everything will be ok. It’s courageous because all of the stats below are really just symptoms of things going on deep under the surface, and in order for the stats to change, those things will need to be addressed. I will start planning and building knowledge over the next few days. Next week will be my first full week with goals and a plan. Until then, here’s the starting line: |
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