My WeekI read my post from last week, and I can't believe it. Who was she? What happened to her when Monday showed up? My week started on Sunday full of inspiration and optimism. As I have previously written, my eating always starts great and then goes downhill throughout the week, and I'm working on that. This was no different. But there was more. I really spiraled. Work is an interesting place for me right now. I am rising in the ranks and taking on more and more responsibility. However, choices have been made that are just blatantly unfair and unacceptable to nearly everyone in our group. So, I spiraled a bit. I talked to nearly everyone about it (they were talking to me too - I didn't always start it). It completely brought me down. Eating went pretty well, but I ate out so much. It kept going downhill and then Thursday was a complete disaster: Breakfast burrito for breakfast, pizza and breadsticks for lunch and a double-quarter pounder meal for dinner. WHAT?! I can't remember the last time I ate at McD's, but I had a migraine and just needed comfort. IT WAS NOT GOOD (as in didn't even taste good). I had a plan for workouts and that didn't work either. Great workout Monday and Tuesday, and then nothing the rest of the week! I kept staying up too late so I couldn't get up in the morning. The Menopause Motivation FactorI don't know if it's because I put so much effort in and nothing works or if I'm just lacking motivation to stick with anything. I plan each week and then it goes awry. I'll keep trying but what the hell? Sundays I'm full of motiviation and go into the week with a plan. It just keeps getting less and less effective as the week goes by. The Plan for This Week (April 28-MayGoing small this week to accomplish what I'd like to accomplish:
1. Arm workout Monday, Wednesday, Friday 2. Dessert (sugar) only 2x during the week 3. Positivity at work Still getting in 30+ diversified plant foods in every week and limiting animal produts.
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What is Happening?Part of me doesn't get it at all. I have made HUGE changes to my diet and nothing has changed. I eat 85-90% Vegan - mostly WFPB (whole foods plant based) - shouldn't I see some change in my intestional health and weight? Another part of me does get it. I do have a sweet tooth and sometimes my vegan is not the healthiest. The 20% that is not vegan is mostly cheese. I don't seek it out, but I have not avoided it. Yet another part of me has a growing acceptance on the weight piece - that this is my body and as long as I feel good, it's ok. The problem is, I'm still having major intestinal issues - pretty much every single morning. So, I've been starting to think about why I started this blog and What I really wanted to accomplish by doing it. What is courage and what does it mean to me? First, let's see what it means to ChatGPT: What Courage Means to Me 2.0iIn the beginning, just making these changes was courageous. It really shook me up. But now, it's been 2 months with no results. CORRECTION: No results that I can see. My bloodwork must be improving without the meat products in my system. Obviously, I'm disappointed and need to make some changes. I just have to keep trying! Here's the plan going forward: Facing challenges when it's not easy: -Cooking at home when I want takeout -Getting up to workout when I don't feel like it -Redirecting sugar cravings to fruit Willingness to act despite uncertainty: -I'm not seeing differences, but I'll keep trying and experimenting -I have no idea what my bloodwork will look like, but it feels good to make the changes I'm making (ethically and nutritionally) Having the strength and conviction to overcome obstacles and pursue goals in the face of adversity: -I'm stuck in habits (and on the couch in the evenings!) -I've tried so many things and my weight won't budge. I will overcome this obstacle. -I have always thrived having fitness goals and want to work toward something again. Hiking, walking? Results This WeekAs you can tell, I'm just not getting results that I can see. Time to switch it up a bit. Plan for April 21-27Plan for Obstacles
Create a Fitness Goal Act with Courage Week 6 ProgressWeek 6 was not a total bust. I came home from Disney with a head cold that I couldn't shake all week. It also turned into a migraine. [Side note - I am getting migraines again? Haven't had those since my period days - need to figure out if they are due to my hormone replacement treatment]. So, I didn't workout until yesterday. I took a great 3 mile walk with my daughter on the North Country Trail and then took another 1 mile pack walk (all three of us + our dog Gordie). But, that was my only real exercise. The picture above was taken near our house on the pack walk. Eating was amazing. i ate whole foods, plant based about 90% of the time. I felt great after a readjustment period that really messed with my intestines. I also purchased a Food Marble gut testing mechanism and have been tracking my hydrogen and methane levels. So far, everything is low so it helps to eliminate bacterial issues. I ate ice cream last night (notorious for giving me issues) and it was low after. I honestly love eating WFPB. It just takes some effort. I feel great and it feels like my clothes may be fitting better, even though my weight is not moving dramatically. Current weight: 181.4.....I guess that is 2 lbs down from last week, but my last weight was taken after vacation, so not sure how accurate that was. Week 7 Plan Back to active!
1. Daily workouts. Thinking of trying Pilates because of the issues with my knees (lunges and squats are really difficult for me). My whole morning routine needs to be reinstated. 2. Eating at home when my husband is out of town. He's remodeling our cottage and gone several nights during the week. I'm exhausted after work, so I tend to just get takeout. My goal this week is to follow my meal plan! 3. Self care and stress relief. Stress is aging me and it needs to stop. I want to declutter my bedroom space and really focus on figuring out my stress. I have the book the 5 Resets and will start to work through it. Lessons LearnedI was gone for 9 nights - a graduation trip to Walt Disney World for my daughter and her boyfriend. I learned a lot on this trip. 1. Breaks in routine completely mess me up - mentally, physically and spiritually. I need to figure out how to continue with my goals when my routine changes. 2. The entire trip I felt self-conscious in my body. I was convinced that I had gained at least 5 pounds within the first 2 days. I need to intentionally work on my self concept. 3. I don't feel healthy. I'm tired, bloated and unmotivated. I will start journaling to track this and figure out what is causing it. 4. I don't want to feel this way any longer. I want to feel beautiful, sexy, energetic and alive. Moving ForwardI'm home now, and I'm committed to change. I have a head cold from the trip, but I'm going to push through and make the changes I need to make - starting TODAY. Honestly, I have felt this way for years and have had SO MANY false starts. I am reminding myself that now I have a dietician and health coach to help me through it. So, what does this week look like for me? GOALS FOR WEEK 6: 1. Primarily plant-based eating - I'm using the Forks over Knives meal planning site to plan some meals and will track plant food diversity. 2. Back to strength training 3x/week, yoga 2x/week, hiking 2x/week and nightly walks. 3. Lots of water. 4. Evening routine - stretch, journal and read. No more facebook reels. 5. One self care action during each day. Results UpdateI'm not sure if I achieved my 30 plant-diversity goal this week. My weight is back where I started at 183.5.
The most important lesson I have learned over the past 2 weeks is that I need to prepare for, be present in and respond appropriately to changes in my routine. The week of 3/3-3/9 was filled with appointments and grocery shopping, and getting ready for this journey. My week was pretty normal and I kept my routines. Then I went to Chicago for the weekend with my daughter. It was a good weekend, but it threw me off a bit. We came home Sunday and started the day with donuts. I can't remember the last time I had donuts. When we arrived home, my husband made salad and split pea soup, and it was so good. It's a recipe from my undergraduate days - a little bookstore cafe in Bellingham, Washington called the Colophon Cafe. I used to love it when we lived there. While it did start my week off in a great way, the rest of it went to shit - in some ways. ResultsHonestly, the best part of the last 2 weeks is that I have started not to care about the results I see on the scale. I gained a couple of pounds after Chicago, but I think it's going down a bit. I did not even weigh myself this morning. I stopped tracking everything on MyNet Diary. I just feel a bit freed from all of that crap. I think because my biggest win was this: I know there were more, but I forgot to check them. Just by eating tons of plant food, my body feels better (I'm feeling better in it) and my weight just isn't as important to me. Believe me, I don't understand this either, but I'll take it. So, no numbers this week! I finished the book Fiber Fueled too. It enforces the plant diversity goal and gives you a lot of reasons to do it. I'm really feeling the best I have in months (years?). The other thing I'm doing is taking a prebiotic called Sunfiber GI. It was recommended by my dietician. It's making me pretty gassy, but not bloated. Still, hoping that my body gets used to it. The biggest disappointment from the week is my lack of exercise. I did not workout any morning. I had one of the most stressful weeks at work that I have ever had, and our dog had some vaccines and was up a few nights. So, I was not getting the rest or exercise I needed. I really love the effects of working out each morning. It helps me start the day with a good attitude and a feeling of accomplishment. I was able to hike 5.5 miles yesterday, so at least I had some movement incorporated into the week. The Next 2 WeeksI have 2 crazy weeks coming up. Tomorrow, my husband and daughter head to Florida to spend time with my mother-inlaw. Her husband passed away last week. I fly down on Thursday and will spend a day with her and then the three of us will meet my daughter's boyfriend at Disney.
So, I have one week without my husband to take care of the animals, dinners, etc. and one week in Disney. Luckily, I have a coaching call tomorrow with my health coach to come up with a strategy on how to adjust to a break in routine (a major one!). My plan this week (while I'm home) is to: Workout Monday - Thursday, even if it's light yoga. Get my (at least) 30 diversified plants in Only eat out 1-2x (including lunch and dinner) My plan for next week (pending advice from my coach): Eat mostly plant based at Disney You know that feeling when you've hiked up a big hill, you are out of breath and your muscles ache? You finally reach the top and there it is - the view.
That is how I feel today. For the last several years I have been utterly flabbergasted. My weight kept creeping up despite me eating well and being active. My intestinal issues also got worse. Heartburn, stomach pain and discomfort and many other lower intestinal issues I won't document here! All of this and a doctor who would not listen to me has led me to this point. I finally understand that we all must be advocates for our own health. I've heard this before, but I now truly believe it. I just switched doctors after years of seeing the same person. She referred me to a lifestyle medicine clinic and I'm working with my dream team. Yesterday I met with a gut health dietician. After our call, so many lights came on in my brain and dots were connected. I realized (through her questions and comments) that all of my issues really started after a trip to Mexico where I came back and had severe stomach pain. I had an upper scope and they found inflammation, but nothing else. So, nothing was done. I took an anti-microbial I found on amazon, and the pain went away. I thought it was done. So, I'm now working through the book Fiber Fueled and increasing the diversity in my diet. I do eat a lot of fruit and veg, but not varied plant resources. I eat the same stuff all of the time. I'll document all of this, but oh my goodness. I feel like I'm back at Independence Pass (pictured above and the highest point in Colorado) looking over these mountains and feeling like I could fly. FINALLY, I have hope and I'm so inspired to take the first leap. So grateful for this chain of events! Weight ResultsThe first full week is in the books. I have lost some weight: -1.2 lbs. since last Sunday -3.2 lbs. since the beginning (2/21/2024) I use Happy Scale to not get weird about weighing myself every day. It shows trends and gives small goals to shoot for. Here's my dashboard. Other ResultsMy workouts seem more intentional, and I like that. This week, I completed my 3 strength training workouts (I'm doing Chalean Extreme on the Bodi channel) and I'm up to 12 pound weights for lower body exercises. I started using 5-8lb weights and now I'm up to 10-12lb weights. I did not workout Friday, but I've been double active on the weekends. One of my biggest wins is that I'm starting to feel a shift in my perspective. I'm such an all-or-nothing person. I am really trying to let that go. I'm pushing myself to have a day with some flexibility (I had some amazing baklava from a local Mediterranean grocery store yesterday!). Obstacles & Lessons LearnedI enjoy eating nutrient-dense food, but I also have a sweet tooth. This obstacle was also a win (see above) - seeing the baklava yesterday and putting it in my cart was a challenge. I had some thoughts about "right" and "wrong" foods. I really tried to dive into those thoughts. It's not wrong that I ate the baklava. It was AMAZING, and I enjoyed every bite. Allowing myself to think this through really helped. LESSONS LEARNED: Don't feel bad about occasional indulgences. I'm doing so many things to get a nutrient-dense diet. These amazing treats are fun and bring joy to life. We also had date night last night - a bourbon festival in our town. I had a designated driver ticket and organized going for my husband. We didn't eat dinner, because we were going to eat at the food trucks at the venue. Once we got there, they didn't sound good. But, when we left at 9:30 we were pretty hungry, so we drove through Taco Bell. These things will happen. I ordered a Black Bean Crunchwrap Supreme and thoroughly enjoyed it. LESSONS LEARNED: I'm going to eat out and have events like this. Looking ahead and anticipating them is key. I had a stomach issue this week too. I'm not sure if it was from popcorn the night before (I think it might have been, because I had it 2 nights in a row), but I became pretty ill after eating my breakfast the next morning. Nothing sounded good. I ate pretty well that day but my diet was definitely lacking vegetables. Sometimes they cause a lot of intestinal issues. LESSONS LEARNED: Something in my gut is not right! Need to figure it out. WinsThere are so many wins. I am eating so much better, I can feel my bloodwork numbers going down. Ha. I do feel better for the most part. I really like seeing the number on the scale go down, but I understand it's much bigger than that. This WeekI have a meeting with a dietician/nutritionist this week. She is an expert in gut health, so I'm looking forward to that. I am also a bit nervous about it, because I don't want to be on a restrictive diet.
I would love to get to a place where I'm eating so well that I don't need to track things. For now, it's good data to compare with results (both scale and bloodwork numbers). I have a day at a conference this week and I am leaving for Chicago on Friday morning. So many restaurants are planned for my fun theater weekend. My strategy is to look ahead at the menus and have an idea of what I want to order going in. I'm also hoping to be flexible and change the plan if it does not feel right. No scale this weekend, so my last weigh-in will be Friday morning. I've had some realizations recenty all related to water. I went on a silent meditation walk and when I walked over a bridge, I watched the water move effortlessly around the rocks. I thought to myself, "That is what I need to do!" Life always puts rocks in your way, and I want to move intentionally and gracefully through life, meaning I may need to switch direction once in awhile. Then, my morning meditation brought another insight. I read Mark Nepo's The Book of Awakening every morning. There is a passage and meditation for each day of the year. Today, the passage was about water moving when rocks are present. Instead of summarizing it, here is the passage: So, what heavy things are getting in the way of me 1) finding joy in life, 2) connecting deeply with others and 3) accomplishing my goals? And which "habit(s) of not" is at play?
The heaviest thing getting in the way is my obsession with making my body smaller. Since I gained this weight in my late 40's, it has been my priority. I am ashamed to write that, because I have other more important priorities on which to focus. I guess I feel successful in all other areas, but am I really? The habits of not that I really need to work on: Not feeling Not risking the truth I've told myself a lot of stories to avoid feeling and seeing the truth. The next step is rolling up my pants and sleeves to lift those rocks. I want to feel the cool water and weight of the rocks and just move them slightly to increase flow. I'm not going to throw them on the banks and pretend they don't exist. They are beautiful and will, over time, be smoothed by the water. The First Few DaysMy doctor appointment at the Lifestyle Medicine Clinic was on Wednesday, and today is Sunday. I started eating better immediately - lots of vegetables. I think my body was in shock! I love eating vegetables and I was reminded why I took breaks from them. This dramatic increase led to me feeling like I was prepping for a colonoscopy. Yuck. Part of the Lifestyle Medicine plan is for me to work with a dietician/nutritionist (?) to help with gut heath. I’m hoping that helps with this issue. I should mention that I’m also participating in the Half Size Me Academy. If you are not familiar with this, you can find podcasts that explain the philosophy. I like it, because it is not about what you eat and going on restrictive diets. It’s about your ‘lower brain’ chatter and how it prevents you from doing the things you know are good for you. Part of this philosophy is doing a morning plan where you map out your day of eating. When you eat other things, you evaluate it as objectively as possible. Maybe it’s something you should add in? I like the awareness and nonjudgmental aspect of the program. I bring this up, because I’ve been doing this journaling each morning and it helps set up the day with intention. If I don’t follow it exactly, I just evaluate it without judgment and look to where I can modify and improve. I have to tell you - I’m so proud of myself - yesterday, I joined a women’s hike on the North Country Trail and hiked 6 miles. The women were lovely and it felt amazing. I love hiking and really want to make it a priority in my fitness and mental health goals. I was nervous to go - because of both the social and physical aspects, but I did it! Week 1 GoalsHere are my goals this week:
Movement: Strength Training - 3x per week (30-40 minutes each) Hiking/Cardio - 2x per week Yoga - 2x per week Daily Energy - Include: 1 serving of beans 1 serving of berries 1 serving of greens 1 serviing of other non-starchy vegetable 1 serving of flax seed 72 oz water Today starts my courageous midlife journey. I know I’m not alone in feeling like a stranger in my body, questioning my future and wondering when I lost the spark that used to be me. It sounds dramatic, yes, and it’s been a struggle. My body journey started as a very thin child with parents who were judgmental of people carrying extra weight (to put it mildly). I heard about it all the time in the form of jokes and criticism. When I was 18, I started gaining a bit of weight and by the time I was in my 20’s, I was sitting around 140 lbs consistently. For a 5 foot 7 inches woman, this was a “healthy” weight, but I struggled with it. I started a pattern of constant physical activity and diet after diet. When I hit 45, my weight started going up 5-7 pounds a year, and now I’m in the mid 180’s at age 51. I stopped following strict diets about a year ago and have been trying to eat intuitively and mindfully. I thought I had a great diet and I work out regularly. A common phrase that would come out of my mouth was, “I’m doing everything right, but nothing works!” In the past couple of weeks, I’ve learned a few things: 1. I am not doing everything right. There is a lot of room for improvement. 2. It’s not all about the weight. The number on the scale is loaded with emotional “stuff”. 3. My blood work needs improving. 4. I need to get my stress under control. 5. I need help. Number 5 is key – I always want to figure out everything on my own. This time, I have help. I finally found a doctor who listened to me and referred me to a lifestyle medicine clinic where “diet” is a dirty word (YAY!). At that clinic, I have 1) an MD, 2) A health coach, and 3) a dietitian. These professionals and a supportive partner comprise my dream team. This is the first time I’ve ever reached out for help and I am going to embrace it. I’m going to share my starting stats below and will update on some of them weekly. In 3 months, I’ll have my follow-up bloodwork and body fat analysis done and will report those improvements. Why is this a courageous midlife journey? It’s courageous, because change is hard and uncomfortable. You need to be outside of your comfort zone and have faith that everything will be ok. It’s courageous because all of the stats below are really just symptoms of things going on deep under the surface, and in order for the stats to change, those things will need to be addressed. I will start planning and building knowledge over the next few days. Next week will be my first full week with goals and a plan. Until then, here’s the starting line: |
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